Just Off The Truck ... Sex Week In Dade County?

Just Off The Truck….

(News Briefs From The Turnip)

March 6-13 Not To Be Declared Dade County Sex Week

At the regular March meeting of the Dade County Commission on Thursday, Executive Chairman Ted Rumley is not expected to proclaim March 6-13 Dade County Sex Week. 

Thus, festivities will probably not kick off with naked wrestling at the commission meeting itself, and the highlight of the evening is unlikely to be a special one-on-one match between District 1 incumbent Mitchell Smith and challenger Lamar Lowery, who held that post for two terms before being unseated by Smith in the 2010 Republican primary. 

Lowery has now announced he will attempt to win the district back from his usurper, but there is absolutely no reason to suspect he and Smith will grapple for supremacy on Thursday evening while coated in coconut oil but otherwise in a state of glorious and rampant nature.

Nor is there a reasonable basis to believe that the other commission members will attend the Thursday meeting in ladies’ prêt-a-porter hot off the Paris runways, and previously modeled only at a drag revue at the quarterly Methodist Men’s luncheon.

A condom Easter egg hunt in Veterans’ Park has not been scheduled for later in the week, and further festivities do not include an around-the-clock  “Do It In Dade” erotica marathon including segments entitled “Joy in the Morning,” “Afternoon Delight” and “Because the Night Was Made For Loving.”

There are no plans for an “Aphrodisiac Cooking, Dade-Style” class featuring such local faves as Come-Hither potato salad, Magic (Chicken) Fingers and I-Must-Have-You-Now CoolWhip-Jell-O Goop.  Nor will there be a symposium on the erotic potential just waiting to be unleashed in every can of Campbell’s Cream of Mushroom Soup.     

The county’s human resources director has not requested a slot on the agenda for a lecture on “Choosing the Right Pronoun:  Gender Sensitivity When Employees Return From France.”

And The Turnip would be very much surprised if anybody at all played naked volleyball.   

END